numb.

It glistens like a far off shore
A white horizon into darkness
In the coils of the rope
I know that I know how to tie
Summoning the raptor
That dark and matronly figure
arising every so often
in the corners of what fears I have left
I know I should feel afraid of these things, but I don’t.
And, I wish you would just take me.
I wish I didn’t have to commit to everything
the nature of this reality;
commitments to our ideas
littered with paradoxes
irritating in their existence
why can’t I know?
Why don’t I have the efficacy to manifest this?
I have grown tired of fighting
Tired of the mind grinding itself
Trying to penetrate into this thing
there is a thing beyond this
there is a reason we dream
yet so debilitated
in this ephemera
I cannot stand it.
rage, that boils within me
murderous in its implication
it could be so much more
it could have been so much better
I cannot repair it-
Not in this lifetime.
Another of these paradoxes
Transmuting rage into hate
And this hate becomes a weapon
That is not for this “civilized” world
For I have felt like a wild animal for too long
it is all that I seem to be, it is all that I am
why should the world share in my traits?
it already has enough
I have had enough
As viscerality absolves civilization
I would pay any price to no longer feel
And in this way I am bound to them,
In the feeling that things will change
As we wander the æther together
Endlessly searching for some kind of solution