endless repetition

endless repetition
endlessly repeating
so searching for a catalyst
that it is endlessly defeating

with the words that never satiate
the dreams become so fleeting
in this endless repetition
that is endlessly repeating

i dreamt of something different
i dreamt of so much more
in this repetitive repetition
with so much to explore

yet it all seems so one dimensional
it all seems so plain
with this endless repetition
that always stays the same

it is this monotonous grind
this feeling i can't explain
within this redundant life that
always stays the same

it would be such a pleasure
to subsist so deluded
in this manufactured lifestyle
where it all seems so concluded

the themes become redundant
the scenes remain so fixed
i have to act surprised
when its so obvious to predict

my skills are so unwarranted
its hard to share what i feel
i know i am not broken
i know that this is real

mired in their sameness
trapped in their mundane
blindly plodding forward
into more of the same

vacantly i stood there
lifting not a finger
in their bland environment
where i began to linger

and i became a copy
i became the same
in the endless repetition
where everything is the same

i sit in traffic through the hills
i wear a this shirt and tie
my life seems to erode away
as we struggle and we die

at what point did i loose my soul?
when did my spirit fade?
why haven't all these people noticed
that are living a charade

and i question my validity
what makes this my place to say
how can they worship paper
every single day

why is this so broken
i feel so washed ashore
in an ocean of negligence
that left me wanting more

when all the dreams have died
when everything fades away
will they be proud of what they wrought
is that what they will say?

i feel trapped in time
i feel so utterly deprived
how can this be the world
when it is so utterly contrived

my mind seeks freedom
this heart it wants release
my hands are raw with effort
i want to be at peace

in this empty ideology
the way becomes so clear
they are not bound by anything
but are crushed within their fear

it takes a mighty heart
to wield a mighty soul
arise in this plane
and remake yourself as whole

there is so much left to do
and so very little time
the mountains seem so daunting
as we begin to climb

the dreams are merely sleeping
as we begin to wake
this world is merely waiting
for new visions to take shape

Plight

Of feast and famine

Hallucinations

and devils

I dream of the wrath

The sex

and the revels

The ire unfolds

In paper wings

as origami

and reigns down

on this plane

a suffocating tsunami

I dreamt

So vainly

of these meticulous places

 nature’s corruption complete

as worn

in their faces

rising in fire

this birth

of confusion

the artificial subside

mired down

in their delusion

complete in the solace

consumed within 

the cost

who gives a fuck

of these dreams,

what profits from loss

my heart remains vigilant

my mind 

so fanatical

 encroaching upon machines

the cheap

and mechanical

I will break you:

Your hearts, your minds

and your tears

I will shear you

from this world

absolve you of fears

relish with delight

in the tides

of this time

surfacing through these

realms in a place

undefined

we shall rejoice

in the ruins

of a world once expensive

the fantasy that lived

within the vacant

so extensive

the sun sets   

by the sea

a place I used to  know

where I buried my heart  

and waited

for it to grow

Sand/grit

There would seem to be no other way

no better way

than that which we have encountered,

the gentle struggle for which we have already begun

in this room where my heart is pounding so hard

like a cat being chased by a dog
knowing; full-well i will be torn apart if they reach us 

in our defamed world that contains fatal consequence

filled with tenacity, that we mine from a hole

trying to fill the holes in ourselves and make the best

with every white-knuckle-night that we seem to surpass

the days drift off into a world that cannot last

I cannot agree

I cannot bow down

And cannot accept that this is my fate

I will not die here, in this shopping center

And I am glad I got away

I am glad to be released, from the grip of the ghetto

But this world does not admire the free

It only worships the enslaved

As they look into the various reflections of their vanity

and thoughtlessly admire themselves proud that they have endured another day in this incessant cookie-cutter bullshit

never have I ever seen a place with so many enforcers and a complete dearth of enforcement

and time casts a different lens

time makes all things real

I learned things about myself I never wanted to know, I fought a thing I never wanted to see

 it touches you, it can never be undone, it can never be unlearned

I have felt the rage

I have felt the hate

burned inside of us like the sound of a your roommate raping his girlfriend

like the domestic violence of your neighbors spilling into the street

guns drawn, in the flickering blue-and-red lights that send them into the depths of their realm

as animals fleeing into the jungle

I saw them; Somewhere between terror and opportunity their their crystal meth laced minds spinning in some great way, yet never making traction in this reality.

I fought them in the night, and fired at them to defend my property

and my livelihood

you get a taste for violence.

Like so many things. It becomes you.

It feels a lot like fractured ribs.

Yet it only ever hurts like a dying fire

that you have been forced to learn to wield.  

It is the ache that fills me with gratitude

The somberness of deciding what you’re willing to live without

Like Learning to feel without tears, because you cannot spare the water

fading into the night like some ardent desert creature 

confession

produced and manufactured
it leaves this place fractured

their words never seem to rise

in the way that i can call

to your mind through it all 

there is nothing left to be said 

and I'm sorry for the way 

these things have so much sway 

but we cannot go back 

there is so much left to know 

in the places i cannot go 

until this fades to black

but this is not quite done 

im not sure whats to be won

though I'm sure i can see

and all that i regret
is the life i cannot get
in a world where you're with me

as though i could have anything
in a life that i would bring
so much to your great heart

and i cannot undo
the way i feel for you
the dreams never seem to cease

but i hold my head up high
to the stars in the sky
and i dream that the day will come

in no uncertain way
i want to live, i want to play
with what we can grow to be

but you are so refracted
taken and distracted
for all that i want this to be

my heart seems to grow colder
as the years pass, i am older
but i know there will come a day

and i cannot express
what im afraid to confess
i just need to find a way

words

(i wheatpasted this to a  stop sign in silverlake)

Overwhelmingly committed
To the urge to not communicate
I grow tired of the disease
Where the faint smell of caramel
Gently seeps into everything
As though, growing venomous, day-by-day
Ever gets old.
 The wings that have held me up
are holding me back
where the thunder breaks the storm of my heart
in the reaches of those ancient places
where there is something beautiful and noble
in words

Lay

ease your thoughts into something else


Bring me the nothingness 


I hear deep within music

words 


Rend me upon your shores


Devour me in your grasp


Feed me with your light

dissect me

gnash me in the tide

So that I may yearn for more

Hold me

deep within your dreams

like a special stone

you keep in your memory

from a day long forgotten  

spent walking along the sand

as we bathe in salt and foam

shed your water for me

the thirst is unquenchable

let me drink you in

Consume me, ravenously

Defile me with your love 

against the vastness of the sea

arise from all this monotony

in the fire that I feel for you

Santa Monica Blvd.

And the sun burns high

Like a meteor and I,

Cannot know how this will end

The tears that never come

Leave this place so undone

And the dreams come to an end

But the weight of the day

In every strange way

Make you seem like we are friends

And I cannot express

The way that I confess

That I’m starting to reach amends