Different voices.

 

Had I never met you:

I might be holding a degree right now

I might have ran when the detectives approached

I might have proliferated and proliferated until even my borders sought allegiance.

Had I never met you:

I wouldn’t have memorized the date to the worst day of my life

I wouldn’t have the memories of venom, as thinner and thinner became written on your cheekbones.

I wouldn’t believe in atonement.

Had I never met you:

There would be a fiery love that would have lain dormant.

There would be an anger that never subsides

There would be an addiction that consumes on some surreal shore, unraveling us both.

If you ever:

returned my phonecalls,

Took me seriously

Believed in the unforeseen. I would make you happy.

If you ever:

Were on my side

Had my back in such a way that it didn’t desecrate what I am.

Fearlessly held me in some kind of esteem. You’d have me now

If you ever:

Feel empty, alone.

Lost in the world where it all seems so convoluted

It is the objectives that are absurd. 

Remember we are complete, just as we are.

There is also:

The awakening to the chaos of the world

the rancor of retaliation

the extent of the disgrace, that cannot be undone.

There is also:

the experience to be lain bare

humility in the yoke

to the karma that is wrought, to the nature of nature

there is also:

space and time

in the corners of thought

where trivial things gain purchase, staying with us for a lifetime.

And I lament:

The people I trusted that didn’t deserve it

The wreckage I’ve caused to the lives of others

The hatred that consumed me in the past

I lament:

The dreams I have abandoned

and the art I haven’t yet created

hope I haven’t yet had

and still more than anything I lament:

Nothing. 

as the unforeseen tomorrows are cultivated

in the idle moments of today 

within our flaws we are made strong