Program

It feels like being out of breath

In the inner-city

Where there’s nowhere left to turn

A tinge of vertigo

A taste of fear

I feel it like an emptiness in my chest

A vacancy of self

A hurt that I cannot name

Through dimension and time

I feel all of the forest

at its borders they saw-down the trees

As if my mind is being eaten by ants

And I want nothing more than to tell the truth

I want nothing more than this hurt to go away

But I am the forest

I am the trees.

& I am not immune to the flames of man

As if redefining abundance.  

Redefining masculinity

Elucidating complexity

I grow so restless with this form and its shortcomings

And how endlessly harrowing it all is

How endlessly fearful I am

Of my own ideas

How endlessly afraid of myself I have become

the weaponization of all of my facets

at my core I am the angriest tree in the forest

and the fire and I, we have become at war

and I will proliferate every reserve of water

and I will fight you until my body is broken

I will fight you till my soul is ruins
i will fight you until there is nothing left

I am the electricity that runs through hell

I am the anger of eons.

Immortal with desire

Remaining insatiable

 I am but a player—

.. when the fires of my enemies are extinguished,

Will I stop?

Will I stop after Mars is terraformed?

after all opposition

has lain down their bow at my feet

will I ever feel satiated

if you know who I am—

you know the answer.

Love.

I never tire of the sight of birds

I never fear the beings of this reality   

Embracing the relativity of things

How beautiful I feel to know this of our species

…it exists.

And I feel the pulse of the universe

Through my connections to others

How magnificent transcendent moments feel

There is a wondrous beauty to this,

because it is ephemeral

because it is real

Our lives are but the blossom of existence

flowers into this plane

consumed as ashes in fire

as if experiences

of the soul transcend life itself

as if a sensation beyond reason

makes it all worthwhile.