Van Nuys

It is this crap
This joke of intrigue
This lie
That make you feel as though
You have the gall ̶
You don’t.

a terrain of noise and shit
a land of slaves and subservient
That amounts to nothing
In what dilusion
Do you think this place is significant
What amount of lies have you levied against yourself
to make this sad player- a player at all

and what am I doing here?
How have I fallen so far that it has brought us into contact
This stalemate of worthlessness is all that we share
And this delusion of what you seem to think is applicable
Is so far from placeable it stuns me to think that you would ever find this right
Rather it would stun me, if you had any handle on that reality that I inhabit
If you weren’t simply waiting for your turn to speak
Never really listening, merely waiting for your moment to shine, And shine and shine
in a cesspool so endless as this- it doesn’t matter if you sparkle at all
you are forgotten and forgettable
south Americans that don’t speak enough of the language
cannot conceive how blind they are in this environment
shitting out more offspring like spawning frogs
mutated and disfigured under the pollution
of stupidity
and yet you go on
at length

about skills that you know nothing of.
lives you cannot comprehend.
and realities you cannot conceive of.
but yes, go on.

tell me of the glory of your yet unborn children.
speak at me of your perception of accomplishments.
absolve my time with your words, and thoughts, and concepts.
...and I will tell you:
that there is nothing more treacherous
than falling in love with your own legend.

this ignorance breeds
I cannot pity its strife
I don’t have time for my own
But I know that there is so much more than this
this place is the most pathetic environment
like your mothers beliefs
or your nostalgia for the dream that they seem to have
they are but cheap words spoken over someone more influential
disguised in the grandiose illusion that they will ever matter
all the while consuming so much time that
the sight and subtlety is lost in a thoughtless mire
that same thoughtless mire
where you dug up a wretch such as myself.

I'm learning lot's here.
learning how to subjugate others
by being subjugated
as we master the rationing of our suffering
understanding the deeply held expectation, there is no location that is acceptable
we cannot even be.

it is this deluge of coping mechanisms
this dilution of self that seeks to make us more fluid and hard
like some kind of metallic liquid
that flows and slides
filling the cracks in our already overly-hardened psyche
in the hope that it wont be annealed.